I think the Real Housewives of NY's Alex Van Kempen is accepting an award here at this charity event? Who can tell tho when her husband, Simon, is DEFINITELY wearing a patent pleather outfit in size extra smedium! (picture courtesy www.bravotv.com)Last week I attended a female friend's birthday party. Eager as I was to wish her many more years of health and success I could not easily get through my greeting as I kept getting distracted by some irritating reflections of light dancing across her face. How upset was I when I located the source: the embellishments on her boyfriend's t-shirt! To make matters worse, when I pulled back I noticed he had paired this T-shirt with a blazer made out of a fabric that certainly, had a freak fire broken out at the club, would have given him the ability to stride through the flames to safety, completely unscathed, like some sort of mutant!
Dudes, I realize it has become trendy to be flashier with your clothes, and please do not think I am hating. I understand that you too must want to assert your sartorial individuality and it does not take very long to realize that chartreuse, or iridescent fuchsia catch the attention much faster than gray or army green.
My problem is this: Do you really need to be this flashy on a day which is supposed to be totally about your girl? Ladies, let's face it, no matter how hot you looking, it's really hard to draw attention to yourself when you are standing next to a man who looks like he resurrected his
Original Bedazzler, to adorn his jeans! So I can't help but believe that if a man wears an outfit this flashy on an occasion like his girlfriend's birthday, then he really prefers all the attention to be on him, and she, therefore, like that braided leather cuff on his wrist, becomes no more than an accessory to accent what he is wearing.
I imagine that these are the same men who parade around on Carnival Tuesday with airbrushed abs to accentuate what they have (or camouflage what they don't)! For Carnival 2009 one dude went a step further and airbrushed a full bald eagle on his back/chest (can't remember which, hell it may have been both!) I remember thinking....dude, how EARLY did u have to wake up this morning?! Furthermore, it took me some time to realize that he was chipping down the road next to a much less airbrushed, and hence attention grabbing, female companion!!
DUDE! You have every other day of the year to flash and floss! Gisshe (yes,
gisshe) a chance today nah. If you keep up with this pattern what will be next? A gold
lamé
suit on her graduation day? Or perhaps will she stand at the altar in
predictable white while the entire congregation's eyes are on
you as you blushingly walk up the aisle wearing a waistcoat made of silver sequins?
NO. Let's stop this nonsense at once! So, next year, when babes' birthday night is upon you, how bout you do just a bit of careful editing. Instead of your outfit involving zippers
and buckles
and studs, how bout we stick to just one. Maybe that fluorescent t-shirt could be exchanged for something a tad more sedate. And when reaching for that white leather belt with the
diamante skull shaped belt buckle....how bout you jus NOT!
On night's like that birthday party I celebrate being single in this day and age. At least ain't nobody stealing my shine! ;)
